Taking the L

I’ve learned to “take the L,” as my son refers to it while losing to him in sports, which I can accept as long as I strive to "take the W" while parenting. Life can’t always bring us “W’s” (Wins). For some of us, it feels like the “L’s” (Losses) come too often, and they are hard to take (accept) for a good reason. It’s as if the scoreboard of our lives is rigged. While we joyfully celebrate our victories, losses can deeply challenge our mental well-being. Whether it's the loss of a job, relationship, or even a long-held dream, loss is an inevitable part of the human experience. However, how we navigate these moments can significantly impact our mental health. As the saying goes, in psychology, what we resist persists. Embracing loss and understanding its place in our lives is essential for fostering resilience and personal growth.

Understanding the Nature of Loss

Loss is a multifaceted experience that can evoke various emotions, from sadness and anger to confusion and numbness. Recognizing that these feelings are natural responses to change and uncertainty is essential. Allowing ourselves to experience these emotions without judgment is the first step towards healing. Suppressing or denying our feelings can lead to prolonged emotional distress and impede our ability to move forward. Therapy can help to clear that path and even create new ones. EMDR Therapy is a powerful modality for this. 

The Importance of Grieving

Grief is a personal and unique process that varies from person to person. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone's timeline for healing is different. Some may find solace in sharing their feelings with friends or family, while others prefer solitary reflection. Regardless of the method, acknowledging and expressing our grief is crucial. It allows us to process our emotions, make sense of our loss, and gradually adapt to a new reality. Holding the L, observing, and befriending it makes the loss less scary. 

Finding Meaning in Loss

While it might seem counterintuitive, loss can be a profound teacher. It often forces us to confront our vulnerabilities and reassess our values and priorities. By reflecting on what we have lost, we can better understand what truly matters to us. A trusting therapist can support you in this process non-judgementally. This introspection can lead to personal growth, stronger relationships, and a renewed sense of purpose. Finding meaning in our experiences, even the painful ones, helps us build resilience and fosters a more profound appreciation for life. Taking the L with dignity and self-compassion allows others to normalize their experiences and encourages others to share their misadventures. 

Moving Forward with Hope

Embracing loss is not about forgetting or diminishing our experiences but integrating them into our lives, allowing us to move forward with hope and resilience. As many influential trauma therapists reiterate- doing this creates a cohesive narrative of our stories. It’s about honoring our emotions, finding meaning in our struggles, and using our experiences to build a stronger, more compassionate self. By acknowledging and accepting loss as a natural part of life, we can open ourselves to new possibilities and a deeper, more fulfilling existence. My clients are inspiring alchemists, turning their losses into gains. 

Taking the “L,” as the kids say, is a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and psychological flexibility. I must remind myself of this each time my son schools me on the basketball court and taunts me with his "W."  

 

Dear friends, “taking the L” does not make you less than others; if anything, it binds you to the rest of us, equating to W's all around. 

Onward,
Mandy